Hey Friends, It’s been a while. I’ve been doing a lot of living outchea in these streets, thus, I’ve fell behind on sharing content here. Since I’ve been away for almost three weeks, I wanted to comeback strong. I wanted to share something that’s very important to me. Thus, I’m going to step into this super vulnerable space of sharing a love project that I’ve been working on. Below is a little excerpt from a chapter of my book (I won’t share the title yet). * Insert happy dance

This chapter is titled “Becoming Maya D.” I hope you enjoy it. More to follow for sure.

Take a read and leave a thought.

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 be.com.ing: The process of coming to be something or of passing into a state

Becoming… what a beautifully reflective word. When I think about my life and the woman I am, my heart overflows with emotion. Gratitude and Joy are amongst those emotions. Sadness, loneliness and disappointment, they’ve taken their place as well. Contrary to the untruths that we subconsciously digest, while under the influence of social media, perfect lives don’t exist. You don’t get to live this life FULLY and circumvent the feelings of sadness and disappointment. It just doesn’t happen that way.

However, what rings true is that we all inherit different portions of love, joy, happiness, peace and sadness. Those portions are typically resultant of life experiences. Those life experiences shape us into who we are.

When I reflect upon the word “Becoming” I see it as infinite, as never ending. I see it as powerful and transformative. I see it as vacant space for self-discovery and evolution.

My belief is that we are always “Becoming”… so long as we’re curious enough to seek, we shall forever find, and in finding, we discover parts of ourselves that we never knew existed.

At 10 years old, I remember wishing and wanting so badly to be 16. I dreamt of having my own bedroom, with a daybed full of ruffly pillows, and living in an non-violent, drug free home. I wanted to have a huge sweet sixteen party, and to wake to a hot pink (Barbie) car dressed in a big red bow. I envisioned my parents screaming HAPPY BIRTHDAY ecstatically as they handed me the keys {to my BRAND. NEW. CAR}.*Insert Bob Barker “The Price is Right” voice

By eighteen, I was a single mom of two. I remember praying fervently for a house in the Projects. I wanted my own. I wanted to be independent and free of the headache that came with living with and depending on other people. By 19, I’d been fortunate. I moved into my very own two bedroom apartment in the PJs and I was so thankful. I remember telling God how thankful I was and that I’d make good on the blessing he’d given me. I ended up losing that house a year and a half later. I was devastated and so disappointed with myself. I felt like I’d forfeited on one of the biggest blessings God had entrusted me with (aside from my children). I was doubtful that God would ever see me as worthy of his divine goodness. At the time of my eviction, I felt like I’d lost EVERYTHING.

I was going through a messy breakup, so I couldn’t rely on the person that I thought I’d be able to build with and depend on. It was just me, living an accelerated life as a teen mom, and trying my best NOT to become the “Black Girl Lost” that Nas rapped about. I was embarrassed by my situation on so many different levels. I’d transitioned from  “wifey” (no ring, or paperwork, just a label) to being referred to as the “Baby Momma”.  I NEVER wanted to be anyone’s Baby momma, PERIOD. It had such a negative connotation associated with it.. and that song, that DREADFUL song “That’s just my baby momma” I just, well… you get the point. I wanted a strong two-parent home for my children. I wanted them to have the stability that I yearned for growing up.  The idea of them not having that was devastating. My emotions were all over the place. I was broken and I was at what I now realize to be “Rock Bottom”. I was drinking and drinking often. I was smoking like a chimney, I was clubbing almost 5 days a week. I was without a place to call home, and managed to lose my job as well, so I didn’t have a steady income. I was looking but my job searches kept coming up void. I had very little money to survive off of so I tried…

To Be Continued

 

Okay, so there… that’s it for now. Don’t forget to leave a comment or DM your thoughts.

 

Thanks for stopping by. I’ve linked the dress I’m wearing below, along with some other Style Delegate approved options.

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